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It’s Not Your Fault

It’s Not Your Fault

sadme

sadmeBeing disabled since I was 27 years old, I have come to accept the daily pain. I have come to expect the daily pain. I am excited and relieved on the rare occasions when I wake and I don’t have a headache, backache, stomach ache or some other issue that reminds me that I am not the girl I used to be.

It took a long LONG time for me to accept that I couldn’t do all the things I used to do. It took…

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She’d Be 22

She’d Be 22

ashgood

ashgoodToday is my daughter Ashley’s birthday. We don’t get to celebrate like most familys do because she is now a little angel in heaven. We write her notes on balloons and send these special little cards up into the air for her to catch.

Some years are just harder than others. She’s been gone for 14 years now, but this has been one of those really difficult years. We have struggled this whole week…

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A Different Kind Of Birthday Celebration

A Different Kind Of Birthday Celebration

Happy-Birthday-Balloons-28-300x300

ashMy daughter was 8 years old when she was taken from us. Just 8 birthday celebrations into her life before it was over.
She was taken 6 months before her 9th birthday. Exactly halfway through her 8th year.

I hadn’t moved on to good days and bad days yet when her birthday rolled around. I was still at good moments and bad moments, but time doesn’t wait for you to grieve. Time stops for no one, and…

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I Pulled the Wool Over My Own Eyes

I Pulled the Wool Over My Own Eyes

about-dogs

wool_over_eyesToday the Daily Prompt asks to tell about a time when someone had you completely fooled, where the wool was pulled right over your eyes and you got hoodwinked, but good.

It seems like that has happened so often in my life. Sadly I feel like I am often easily fooled because I try so hard to see the best in people. Over the years I feel that has changed a bit. I’m becoming tougher, smarter, less…

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Hope Renewed

white-dove

Homeless anything helps thank uShe stands there, sad and hungry. The pain visible in her eyes. Slowly she unfolds a sign which says “Homeless, anything helps”. As she does this she hangs her head down. She looks at the ground, ashamed that she should have to ask for help in such a manner, wishing that her life was different. Long moments pass and she wonders how things have gotten so bad. She thinks back to the days when she…

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You Are So Incredibly Fortunate

You Are So Incredibly Fortunate

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a095a186b8559e99b6e44467ab0bbc77It’s funny how people don’t realize how much they have and how lucky they are. They see the things they do in their lives as typical, normal, everyday. I can remember a time when our family did many of those things that seems typical. I remember a time that if I wanted something I just went and got it. Then our lives changed and I see things so differently.

I’m not homeless but there have been…

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So We Stayed

cross-roads

003We landed here accidentally and didn’t plan to stay. The plan was to get the truck fixed and keep going down the road. Then I realized how much I liked the people here and the fact that there were things to do. I liked the social feel of this place and the feeling of a real community. So we stayed.

When the “season” was over and the snowbirds all flew away, things got very quiet here. Still I…

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Thirteen Years Have Passed

Thirteen Years Have Passed

crying

cryingGrieving the loss of a child different for every one of us. It is a unique journey that forever changes your life. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how old your child was when it happened. The loss of one’s child is a traumatic experience and each parent will experience this loss in their own way and their own time.

It is the same in that we are experiencing a grief like no other. The loss of…

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Age is Just a Number

Age is Just a Number

flower

005Age is just a number…. or is it? On March 8th 2014 I turned 43 years old. It’s funny because when I turned 28 I FREAKED out. I thought it was the beginning of the end. I thought I was getting old and 40 was just around the corner. But now that I’m in my 40s I’m thrilled. I think my 40s are actually the best age I’ve ever been.

I’m happy with who I am. My children are grown and I’m not feeling…

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The Road Calls

Monument Valley

Monument ValleyHave you ever just wanted to drive? Just get in the car and keep going until you were so tired you had to stop? That was always a pull in the back of my heart. I could be headed to the grocery store and suddenly the road just stretched out before me, inviting and exciting, begging me to follow it. I never could because I had a family. I never could but I never stopped dreaming.

The older we got…

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Paying it Forward

Paying it Forward #grief #loss #help #charity

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1961602_10152218237925902_1599151071_n

David Monthony

When our daughter passed back in 2000, we were devastated emotionally, spiritually and financially. Had it not been for the kindness of friends, family, and amazing community members who we didn’t even know, the financial burden this would have placed on our already emotionally broken family would have been too great.

Our family has never forgotten those kindnesses and we try to…

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To Hell and Back

To Hell and Back

tear
To Hell and Back Into blackness I fell.
Into pain, despair, agony.
And yet these words do not begin to describe,
the road I traveled.
Suddenly light opened above
And I climbed out of fear.
I climbed into life once again
but it seems so impermanent.
Why am I here?
I don’t understand.
I try to live but I feel like all I do is wait,
for the dark hole to open once more
and swallow me again.

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